Written on 9th December 2010.
It’s been 1 year, 2 months and 10 days since I first met you, but I still remember the day like yesterday. Though it was a gloomy day maybe because of you I felt the sunshine. We had a bunk and coincidence brought us together. Knowing you and being with you all were coincidence but I’d like to call it FATE. We were destined and I know we are. Though you say you don’t love me, I know or I believe you do. Every moment spent with you were and are the best memories of my life. The last time I was happy was seeing your face. I remember your goodbye kisses, eyes full of queries and lips full of intention. I can’t say that you won’t find anyone else like me but I’m sure that I can’t find anyone else like you. We had talks all night long. We had our plans for our future. Those talks, those lovely thoughts have vanished but I know someday somehow it will be a story for our children. I broke your heart, I know I’m stupid, irresponsible, but you know I love you [and you know that you can love no one else and neither can I] I am sorry from the core of my heart that I couldn’t make you trust me. How could I? I don’t know why you don’t love me. I guess everyone gets a second chance but you never gave me that. I promise to save every drop of your tears. Those eyes will never be wet if only I get a chance. But I know you won’t give me. You are too strong. Though your tears fall quickly you get over things very easily I’m not so strong dear. It’s hard very hard indeed for me to live with your memories only. I wish to create more memories but I know my wish seldom get’s fulfilled. God hates me and I hate god. My luck has always fucked me hard. And the truth is that you beat my luck when you are with me. I can’t find the exact reason to love you but I DO. Trust me, though you can’t, I LOVE YOU. I just can’t love anyone else. It’s not that I haven’t tried but every time I try I fail. I am a winner but I lost you. Why don’t you understand me? I could have lied for the last time too. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to be old with you, I still do. Being with you, eating with you, getting up with you, spending time with you, having children with you, marrying you have become my dreams. Don’t know it will come true or not. But I just can’t give up,
P.S. I LOVE YOU!